The Critique Circle Blog

The CC Blog is written by members of our community.
Do you want to write a blog post? Send Us a blog request

Menu
  • View RSS Feed
  • View all blogs
Jul
5
2014

A Smile Played on His Lips and He Spoke in a Deep Baritone: Some Thoughts on Writing Vocal Tones and Facial Expressions -- by Mysti Parker

Of the many things I learned from Deb Dixon's "Goal, Motivation, Conflict" workshop, this quote stuck with me the most:

"You can do anything in writing, as long as you do it well."

One thing I struggle with is describing how characters sound and their facial expressions. I think this area is one a lot of us have trouble with. If I had a nickel for every time one of my critique partners said, "But how does (s)he sound when they say this?" and "What does his/her face look like right now?" I'd have enough money to buy a year's supply of chocolate. But how often DO we need to describe facial expressions and tone of voice?

My conclusion: Not as much as you think.

As a critiquer myself, I notice wording and flow in a piece of writing more so than plots and character arcs and all that. More often than not, I see writers overusing things, whether it's adverbs, passive voice, repetitive words, and yes, tone of voice and facial expressions.

Let's see if I can show you what I mean with part of an impromptu flash fiction piece I wrote for Rebecca Postupak's "Flash Friday", not that this is a literary masterpiece in any shape or form, but here's what I might do if I was TOO mindful of tone and expression :

Lana slid the crisp paper across the patio table. “Sign these,” she barked.

“Why?” Joe whispered. His lips pursed as he stared down at the obnoxious logo: Burger, Smythe, and Villay, attorneys-at-law. 
Her eyes became narrow slits and her voice sounded like two pots banging together. “All you want is your garden and your bush mistress.” 

This is a short little snippet of dialogue, and I don't know about you, but those underlined parts really slow the pace for me. This couple is on the verge of divorce. The tension should move this along at a snappier pace. Take a look at how I really wrote it:

Lana slid the crisp paper across the patio table. “Just sign them.” 
“You don’t want this.” Joe stared down at the obnoxious logo: Burger, Smythe, and Villay, attorneys-at-law. 
“Why not? You left me a long time ago. All you want is that garden of yours and that silly bush of a mistress.”
Here we see no tone of voice and no facial expressions. What we do see is a different choice of wording to make the dialogue itself show us what these two might sound and look like as this little exchange is happening. In hindsight I think I could have also used stronger verbs to narrate their actions as well. Instead of "slid", Lana might have "shoved" the papers toward him. Joe might have "glared" down at the logo and perhaps crumpled one side of the documents in his fist. 

 Put your readers in the game!Readers will notice ANYTHING we use too often, so do your best to show what the characters look like and sound like by using strong, appropriate dialogue and action that fits the tone of the scene. Describe the tone of voice and facial expressions in moderation and also if they are important to what's happening. For instance, if a character is lying, the tone of voice and facial expression could be tells that give them away.

Remember that the reason we read books as opposed to watching movies is so our imagination can join in and form the story in our own minds. If we feed the reader every single minute detail about how WE see the scene, their imaginations just sit there in the dugout and never get a chance to play. 

For learning how to write tone of voice and facial expressions in fresh and new ways, I highly recommend Margie Lawson's workshop or lecture notes on Writing Body Language & Dialogue Cues. She refers to some really good examples and includes some unique exercises to keep your descriptions from being blah and cliche.

Now go forth and write! ~Mysti
 

Posted by Mysti Parker 5 Jul 2014 at 00:13
Do you want to write for the Critique Circle Blog? Send us a message!

Responses to this blog

Monica67 7 Jul 2014 at 07:04  
Excellent tips, effective example, too. I might have to check out that book. Thanks!
Cholontic 8 Jul 2014 at 02:45  
I agree with Monica67! A great article, thanks for sharing!
Fairchild 9 Jul 2014 at 06:23  
This article is the truth. I have especially noticed when all the body language slows the pace to a crawl or a start-stop jerky pace.
Saa 10 Jul 2014 at 09:50  
Outstanding!

You've said just the thing new writers need to learn to improve, without fussing about "improving"!
Mysticat 10 Jul 2014 at 19:16  
I'm so glad you've found this article helpful. I like sharing what I've learned along the way. I think all of us have room for improvement and we're in this journey together.
Flywriter 12 Jul 2014 at 09:05  
I agree with what you suggestions. I find in my own unpolished drafts, and the critiques I give to others stories here, we newish authors tend to work to hard at telling the reader what the character is doing instead of giving a hint and letting their imagination fill the scene. Good suggestions. I'll check out Margie Lawson's workshop notes.
Dtrevi119 22 Jul 2014 at 18:36  
Good article, this is something I've been trying to work on as I just learned I have the bad habit of over adjectiving.
Soteris 14 Aug 2014 at 13:32  
I am new to writing and this was very helpful to me for my upcoming competition. Thanks for the tips
Paplu12 14 Aug 2014 at 14:46  
Good article. Something I have always struggled with as a writer is being too wordy. As I have been writing more regularly, I really tried to focus and being as too the point as possible, and have come to use the dialogue as a tool to express what is happening in the scene. I definitely discovered that sharp dialogue could be way more effective that all of the modifiers put in to explain what was going on. I love to see someone write it out like that for all of us out there who need that little bit of insight.
__________________
Imagination is more important than knowledge for knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.

Respond to this blog

Please log in or create a free Critique Circle account to respond to this blog


Member submitted content is © individual members.
Other material is ©2003-2017 critiquecircle.com
Back to top