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|A short critique|
|Here is an example of a good, short critique.|
This is a very good piece. You have really nailed the thoughts and feelings of someone who is experiencing the horror and displacement of amnesia. It flows well, and the progression of your MC thoughts are very believable. There is very little I would change, and I only see one flaw, IMHO. My suggestion would be to change the detail of him having ID (his driver's licence). I would tend to believe that if this was a real situation where he was suffering from amnesia and he was admitted to the hospital, the police would be investigating, and would very likely be able to pull up information from his DL# and get a hold of a family member. This goes double for the fact that he was invovled in an auto accident. This one premise of him having his licence sort of pulls the rug out from your story. The ending is great, so I wouldn't suggest getting rid of all family to fix this. What if he did not have any ID, car registration, ect but instead had a pawn ticket or dry cleaning stub? He could have used this to find out his name & address, and the key to his house could have been in his pocket. You could keep most of the story the same, just have some background about him leaving the hospital and persuing the clue of the ticket stub in his pocket, yadda yadda.
Hopefully all the imput that you have recieved over this story will help work out the kinks. (Wow, 19 crits!) I think you have done a great job with this, and the above was my only concern. Hope it helps! Best of luck!!
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