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Over the years I've dealt with being fired, poor, homeless, not to mention some time as a single parent after my wife's accident left her unable to parent for the better part of a year. There’ve been some real highlights too, the resurrection of our marriage, the continuing joy of being a parent and now a grandparent. Through all that and more I have been an author and reviewer. None of it stopped me from writing though some caused more turmoil for my characters.
The first thing to slow the flow of words is the literal pain in the neck which I carry around as a daily challenge. Think of a mild migraine headache which started some five years ago and hasn’t let up since. If I listed all the things I've tried in that time I would double the word count for this post. Let's just say, if you've thought of it, I have tried it.
So what does this have to do with writing? Imagine my capacity to get through the day as an eight ounce glass of water. In a normal day I might use four to six ounces to do the things I do, including being a loving husband and an author/editor. The left over goes into a reserve which I can draw on during family crises or NaNoWriMo.
Dealing with the effects of the pain takes about two or three ounces. Not too bad, I'm over some days and under others. Problem is I don't sleep well, so my total capacity is lowered to five or six ounces. On a good day I have nothing left, on a bad day, I'm overdrawn.
What happens now is I take the part of the day between the cracks and I write. Mostly working on my client's books to not fall too far behind. That's important, as I need the editing money to pay the bills, not to mention my commitment to help those authors with their craft.
In the remaining cracks, in the car or grocery line, at a coffee shop waiting, in the wee hours of the night when sleep is scarce, I write my stories in my head. Over and over and over so I won't forget them. Then with five minutes here or ten minutes there I type them into the computer.
I'm a writer, I write. That sounds trite until you've spent ten minutes staring at the screen trying to remember what you blocked out at the store. Yet the words build up, the story takes shape. I edited four stories for release as a collection last Fall. I have a novel making the rounds and a novella to be released in October. I plan the impossible and by God's grace and my wife's understanding make it happen.
I'm a writer so I write, even when it is impossible to write I write. I've typed pages with my eyes closed because of the pain. Because I'm a writer.
When I die, my heirs will find unfinished stories on my computer.
One last thing about writing and pain, I believe my writing is richer, has more depth. I know pain so I can write pain, my characters can be twisted by life and still be whole. And one more blessing yet, they may find their way free.
And in that second, that moment of transported joy, I become free too.
I am not made out of my pain, but out of the stories I've been given to tell.
Posted by Alex Mcgilvery 19 Jul 2016 at 00:11
Responses to this blog
This was a beautiful blog and one I can relate to. I'm in constant pain as well. In addition to my severe hip arthritis, fibromyalgia, this year of intense writing, finishing my second memoir and being here constantly I developed carpal tunnel syndrome with my fingers so swollen I can barely brush my teeth in the morning. But I persevere because I must write. Through poverty, though not homelessness, through divorce, through every trauma imaginable, I persevere. So I salute you, fellow pain sufferer and hope in the end, we will tell the stories we must. Aloha maya
Good Luck
Donna
Writing, CC, my local writers' group, and another writers' group I've recently joined all help a lot to bring me out of the doldrums of living with the pain of fibromyalgia, a torn rotator cuff, bursitis in both hips, arthritis, migraines, and the general aches and pains of getting older. Still beats the alternative!
Like Alex, when I die, my family and friends will find many unfinished stories and a couple of unfinished novels on my computer, but that will be their problem - to delete or not. I even have some things there that my grandchildren and I have been working on; they may choose to take and finish those, who knows? If anyone reads the notes attached, they'll know which ones they are.
I read your painful stories and now am part of a new support group. I have chronic pain, as well. I can recommend acupuncture as well as massages by a certified masseuse. My family gave me those TEMS (the kind physical therapist and Shaquelle O'Neil promotes on TV) but I keep forgetting about them.
I think most people with chronic pain who do not let it identify them and won't let it control their life (like what I've read above) just take it slow and do what we can. We know taking NSAIDs (Advil, Ibuprofen) several times a day will cause worse damage to our body in the long run. I rarely take those. My physicians won't give me pain pills for fear of addiction and I have chronic vertigo (loss of equilibrium) and typically the safest place in my house is my hallway where I can trail both hands on the two walls.
As a writer, I don't want to be under any kind of influence stronger than my nightly low-carb beer, as a clear head is the only way I can write.
Normally when I write, the joy I feel does diminish the pain, but since I'm now writing about pain, my debilitating headache has returned.
Kind of proves my point. Do what you love and you'll feel better.
PS: A hot shower does wonders; where I plan my next scene in the steam.
Happy soap suds to you all.
__________________
Bev here. I didn't know this site existed. Great site! I have fibro, arthritis and something called PMR (Polymyalgia Rhumatica), which is an autoimmune disorder which tightens up all the large muscle groups from your knees to your neck and your elbows up, too. There are a hose of other painful issues going on inside my body, as well. I've tried some drug therapy, but I seem to be allergic to a lot of them, or I have the worst of the side effects happen. I'm currently working on getting rid of the inflammation in my body by taking a more natural approach to my health issues. Seems to be working better than anything else that I've tried. Massage and acupuncture do work, but it gets costly over time, so I've altered my diet and trying some herbal supplements, instead.
Anyway, when I write, I get so lost in my picture book writing, that I totally forget that I have pain, at least for a little while. Too bad that I have to come out of my writing trance, because often when I do, the pain is back in full force. I forget that I need to move.
Thanks to whomever started this group. It's always nice to have some peer support with both our writing and health issues.
It's true that writers write. If they feel pain, they write about the pain. They express what they're going through in their characters and the story and what the characters face.
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For me writing actually helps. I know that's not the case for everyone, so I'm extremely grateful. My made up worlds distract me from my thoughts and give me that serotonin boost.
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